I'm proud of you...
Yesterday my guy had good intentions of getting up early and smashing his way through a whole bunch of work.
The getting up early part was done, but then he ended up not so well by the afternoon so he spent it in the bathroom (while replying to what emails he could).
After I found him crashed out on our bed sleeping away, before he later returned to the bathroom again not so well.
At the weekend most of the day had slipped by with him getting out of bed a little after 3pm - a more normal than not in our house these days.
And yet, the other day I told him how proud of him I am... And I really am.
He just looked at me like I was a little crazy... "Why? What have I done to be so proud of?"
In my eyes (albeit they'e a little biased yet hear me through...), EVERYTHING.
You see, my guy sleeping at 3pm or going back to bed (or more accurately, collapsing back to bed) in the middle of the afternoon is because while me and you are sleeping, he's awake.
Awake in agonising pain. It happens most nights and a lot of days.
And to be clear, it's the type of pain you wouldn't wish on ANYONE.
Yet between his daily ongoing pain and sleep deprivation (and other non-walking stuff), he's created his own clothing company for (mountain) bikers.
He designs the coolest of clothes (and other bike bits) and has built the most amazing and loyal community who love buying/sharing his stuff and standing proud behind the message it comes with...
It’s not how you fall but how you get back up.
Sometimes honestly, I wonder how he's done all that he has amongst what he deals with on the day to day, but he has, and it's there for all to see.
I know he looks at me like I'm crazy sometimes, like really... "what is there to be proud of - the days spent in bed, in pain, in the bathroom..?" - while being frustrated he's not even halfway to where he wants to be or knows he could be if he had a full week - heck, even a full day - where he could just sit down to work.
But that's the thing...
He's done and achieved it anyway, despite EVERYTHING.
Despite living with what most of us would deem unimaginable/un-tolerable.
How could I be anything but proud of him (of anyone) who's literally given it all they've got?
Doing the very best you can with what you've got (or the hand you've been dealt)...
That's something to be damn proud of to me, ALWAYS.
PS… Is every day like this? No. Yet it is normal and dealt with on some level most days. We enjoy and make the most of the bits in between as we can to the very most.
PPS… Is this a post for sympathy/pity? No. It's to say sometimes you're dealt a shit hand (or make a 'bad' decision in life that sets you back), and if you're doing the best you can with that shit hand, it's something to be damn fine proud of rather than ever kick yourself about.