Slowing down with the seasons
Lately, I've had this overwhelming feeling to rest.
To slow down. To breathe a little deeper. To do the things that make me feel nourished and whole (even more that normal). To heal.
It's been almost three and a half years since my guys accident. Partly it feels crazy that so much time has passed already. Yet on the other, it almost feels like a lifetime ago and how things have always been.
The first year after was beyond crazy, with 600 mile round trips to visit him in hospital. With the uncertainty of what was to be, and the heart ache (and heart break) of what already had.
That first year was TIRING.
The next however, probably even more so. In that second year he came out of hospital and into a new home I'd found for us. It was a new home in a brand new city, with friends (now regretfully) left behind. And that second year ended up being filled with unimaginable, daily and ongoing pain.
His meds weren't doing what they needed to be doing. Doctors weren't helping/listening, with copious amounts of meds being prescribed with a simple 'here's a script, now out the door, I've the next patient to see...' - with us often going home and nothing changing.
And so the unwavering daily pain continued.
That year almost broke him. It almost broke me. The lack of sleep and the pain and the heart ache combined. And with business, 'life', still needing to carry on as normal, because bills and rent don't stop just because the unimaginable happens...
So like it or not, there was an onward, forward and pushing through 'do what you gotta do' needed... The rest would need to wait.
The third year saw us start to find our feet and attempt to get back on them again. There have been stumbles and still days of pain, yet also days of joy. There are still days of heart ache, yet also of heart mending. Still going going going and pushing through, doing what was needed.
It's taken a lot. Sometimes I feel almost everything I've/we've had. Yet we've peeked through the other side and now I'm here...
I feel the need for rest.
To take care of every part of me that's been neglected for the last three and a bit years.
The timing feels fitting with Autumn drawing in. It feels like a season for slowing down, letting go of the old ready to restore over winter before renewing afresh in Spring. It feels like a season to nourish and cocoon in warmth and comfort. Like just what I need.
And something about that feels good either way - moving more in time (and tune) with the seasons. Both with how I eat my food and how I live my life.
It's something I've not done, yet it's something that feels good and intriguing.
So, here's to slowing down. To Nurturing, resting, restoring.
And if you'd like to join me, please feel free, you're welcome to...