WHAT DO YOU NEED TO LET GO OF?
I was sat opposite my therapist.
I'd been seeing him two, maybe three years.
He knew my hopes and dreams. He also knew my challenges, my demons, and why I fought every. single. day. to overcome them.
One day he said...
"You're the most determined person I've ever met..."
Given the assumption he was edging close to sixty, and knowing he'd been a therapist for 15+ years, I made the second assumption he'd both met and worked with a lot of people in his time.
So when I heard him say those words, I instantly took it as a compliment. An achievement. A badge of honour as such. And so I carried that badge of honour around with (silent) pride with me for the next five or so years.
Now looking back, I'm not sure it was meant as the way I took it - a compliment, but instead a simple observation and a fact of personal life experience.
The thing is however, for those next five or so years, every time I wanted to give up, to let go, to stop, pause, rest... To take care of me instead of doing everything within my power and (depleting) strength to overcome the challenges I was facing...
I carried on pushing - because I was the most determined person he knew.
And even if I'd screwed everything else up in life, I had that - so I wasn't about to let that badge of honour go without a fight.
Not without giving it EVERYTHING I had.
It took me some time (and growing) to realise actually, maybe it wasn't a thing to be proud of - because that unwavering determination took me to the point of exhaustion.
More than once.
And the funny thing is, that's not something I hold my head high with pride of.