A different kind of beautiful

Three years ago today my guy had his accident.

(The one that left him paralysed in case we're just meeting now).

Before his accident happened, we'd mapped out and planned our dream life together, and in all honesty, it was perfect.

It was one which would have seen us emigrate to New Zealand, build a beautiful open plan home together made of wood and glass right by the sea, live an amazing outdoor and adventure filled life together, get married on a tiny sandy beach in the Cooke Islands, live happily ever after...

His accident however snatched all that away in an instant.

Every dream we'd created shattered and only to be replaced with pain and uncertainty.

None of it felt fair.

And it wasn't fair, yet it was what it was and what we had.

For a long time I'd wanted to 'fix' it all, to make everything better (ok, full confession, some days I still do... I'm human), to take his pain away - and yet I couldn't do a single one.

I battled with those feelings everyday - the wanting things to be different, easier, than they were - and again in all honesty, it was exhausting.

It took me a long time to accept it really was as it was/is now, and to let go of the things we'd planned and dreamed that'll now never be, and yet, now I'd say, while we'd never in a hundred thousand million years have planned the life we have now, it still can be (and is) beautiful, just in it's own (different) way.

Because sure we have days that are tough and tiring and filled with pain, yet every single one of them makes me (/us) appreciate the good days we have SO. MUCH. MORE.

The small things no longer being taken for granted (...or sweated).

Everyday 'insignificant' moments made the (very, VERY) most of. Big things embraced in a 'yeah but we still got to do/achieve this!' way.

Sometimes sure, I'll be the first to raise my hand and say that life can poop (I'm being polite, I'd have ran out of expletives if I said how some days really felt) on you and knock you right off your feet... 

And that sometimes things aren't perfect or how you would have (ever) planned, yet in amongst that stuff (if you're willing to look and loosen your grip on what 'perfect' looks like), there's still a whole lot of beautiful to be found and enjoyed, just in it's own, different, kind of beautiful way...

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