Becoming a writer - and getting out of your own way

I started noticing I've been writing less and less and less lately.

Which is weird, as a LOVE writing.

Ok, make that I have still been writing, but it's been scrappy and messy with paragraphs and bits scattered here and there in notebooks, yet all of it unfinished and unpublished or shared.

It's only recently I've started seeing myself as a writer, and not just as a person who 'wrote and blogged some stuff' and shared it.

And that's where it all changed... (and I've only just seen it).

Because while I haven't said to anyone 'I'm a writer', that thought has been sitting there in my head... along with the expectations of what 'being a writer' actually means that I seem to have (self) planted right alongside next to it.

Like if I say 'I'm a writer', my writing HAS to be good.

Because while I've received so many amazing and beautiful and kind words about my writing over the last few years, and from so many different people from so many different walks of life, they were saying it to a person who 'wrote some stuff', not to an actual 'writer'.

And will what I write and share now live up to what I've written before? Will it actually be good enough to have come from a 'writer'? 

And that thinking right there has caused all the scrappy messiness, the unfinished and unpublished-ness. The stop of my writing and sharing - one of the things I find most enjoyable and beautiful to do.

And so in all honesty, that doubting voice is still there right now, yet I'm going to refuse to let it stop me. Instead of being my number one doubter, I'm going to become my number one backer and see how that works out instead.

Instead of wondering (and worrying) will people still like my writing and sharing nothing until it's 'perfect', I'm gunna hit the publish button anyway and (shock horror), let people make up their own minds (instead of me making it for them).