A couple years ago my guy had an accident

A serious one which left him paralysed and had him spend almost a year in hospital. 

It tore everything we knew and wanted apart. It threw our dream life together out the window.

For me, I was not only dealing with the shock of what had/was happening, of heartache from seeing the guy I loved in pain and no longer able to walk, but I was also grieving the loss of those dreams we'd made that would now never come true.

For a long time I no longer knew what I wanted, or what was next.

I don't even know why now, but something made me download The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.

I'd seen Danielle and The Desire Map many years before. I liked - wait, loved - the idea, yet for some reason I just couldn't 'vibe' with it. Or even (dare I say it) with Danielle. So I left it as a 'nice idea', just one that wasn't for me.

So again, I've really no idea what made me hit that purchase button, and yet I did.

I now believe it was one of the things that saved me - in an 'I've got you' kind of way.

It had just the softness I needed. The way Danielle spoke - and I know this is gunna sound cheesy, but what can I say, it is how it is -  hugged my insides (and they sure needed hugging).

It made me look at not setting new goals or dreams, but simply instead how I wanted to feel, and that was enough just enough for me right then.

It gave me a new place to start and a place to slowly rebuild again.

And then...

Because I guess life decided one unimaginable wasn't enough for us, it threw us another curveball last week and my guy got super sick.

Like call 999 at 2am in the morning I need an ambulance HERE *FAST* type sick.

Let's say that night I might not have slept and the survival mode/take care of my man instinct might have kicked in instead - which carried on kicking in while he spent the next ten days in hospital hooked up to drips and meds to pull him through. 

Knowing the process and what I'd need the most this time, I went and created as much space in my life as I could, while also making two (easy to forget) non-negotiables part of my day - Everything else was a 'nice if I could get to, if not, it'll wait'.

+ Eat one decent meal per day.

+ Move my body at least once, aka, take a walk.

I took Danielle with me again on those walks. The Firestarter Sessions this time (the  audiobook, which as a side note has now been switched up to include emails and downloadable worksheets, as well as audio sessions themselves).

And now please don't get me wrong, I love what she says and I get a fresh perspective - always - that fills my lungs with a little more air right when I need it, and yet somehow at the same time it also doesn't matter the 'what' she says because it's also the 'how' she says it.

Because it's like the hug my insides need every time (which save me from falling too far).

So to get to the whole point of this story...

Maybe they'll help you/save you/hug you right when you need it too, or maybe for you they won't. But either way I'm gunna leave them right here just in case, because you just never know...

The Desire Map

The Firestarter Sessions

PS… They're not just for catching you when you're stumbling along rock bottom, it's just when I happened to find 'em and (personally) needed 'em the most. #Grateful

PPS… And in case you're wondering, my guy is now home. We've a way to go yet and some 'things' to deal with, but he's out of the (super scary) woods and safely home. Again.