Ruth Ridgeway
Let Yourself Rest

Yesterday went a little like this...

5AM // Spot a text from my guy (who was 'sleeping' next door for the night) sent 30 minutes before. A photo of him looking beyond tired/stressed/wondering what the heck to do with himself.

Go next door, give him a cuddle. Remind him he's loved and agree this is the unfairest thing in the whole world, because it really is. So far as much as he's needed/wanted to, he's not slept. It's the pain. Always the pain.

Go back to bed with him making me promise to get him up at 9.30am because he wants to attempt to get back into some kind of routine. You agree, although feeling kinda of guilty knowing he so needs sleep, and if he is sleeping at 9.30am it'll feel like the cruelest thing in the world to wake him.

8AM // Get up. Tired. Start the day, get ready, answer a few emails before bringing tea and porridge to guy in bed who is/was sleeping and who now can barely keep eyes open.

(Should have brought matchsticks in too for the eyes #NoteForNextTime).

10AM // Client calls. They always make me smile.

12PM // Make us both lunch. Deliver lunch next door where your guy is trying to get ready, stay awake, deal with pain, eat at same time. 

12.30PM // Back to work for an hour. Just a few small things to get them ticked off the list before...

1.30PM // Leave for hospital appointment. One he/we've been waiting nine months for. On the way, drop a whole great big bag of parcels off at the Post Office he's packaged up the night before.

2.30PM // Drive around hospital for what feels like forever (they SO need extra parking). Have semi successful hospital trip, but more med's (for him). So many med's.

4.30PM // Arrive back home. Cook dinner. Look at shattered guy and wonder how long this pain episode will last. I mean, the pain is always there, but it has times/waves it comes and stays for longer, more intense non stop periods. It could be a couple days, a couple weeks, or like now, a couple of months. You get to feel totally helpless/fidget around wondering what you can do to help (because there must be something) all at the same time while you wait.

5.30PM // CHILL. Read book for half an hour before getting up and ready to hit the gym. While really not wanting to go because that mental/tired fogginess is there, also know will be thanking self later/after if do.

7PM // Have an intense kettlebells session. Doing ok until it comes to the five rounds of push ups (let's face it, one round is always enough or those things). Arms do not want to play. Somehow get through it while time seems to stand still.

8.30PM // Get home. Find guy in bed half sleeping, half wriggling around in pain. Make tea and a hot water bottle as he's shivering, despite the quantity of blankets, duvets, heating being on.

9PM // Shower. Wash day and sweat away.

10PM // Climb into bed. Read a little more (totally loving a good dark thriller/mystery right now). Look over and see him sleeping. Smile. It's nuts these days knowing it's one of your favourite sites because you know he's ok and actually getting a little much needed rest. 

Think about what can do/try next for this whole crazy/unfair pain thing, because in your heart and gut you know there's gotta be more than this, and more than the 'nothing' the doctors keep saying.

Hope tomorrow is a little kinder and the pain decides to do one, before tucking book away and tucking self into sleep.

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